packing up

This is what my life looked like the last couple weeks in Charlotte while I was setting up my new computer, packing, knitting like crazy, and saying good-bye to everyone.

And finally, all packed up and ready to go. This is what I left behind.

saying goodbye

Last night was my last time with my three favorite girls ever! We had so much fun sharing brownies and cookies and playing and reading together. Sydney appropriately picked Fox in Socks for the bedtime book. That is the one book I have read more to them than any other. (When Sydney was 4 I read it to her every day for an entire summer!) You've gotta love a book that starts out by telling you to take it slowly and ends by asking if your tongue is numb. I had a bit of a struggle with all the tongue twisters last night as I was trying desperately hard not to let the girls know that I was crying the whole time! I think I succeeded because I only stumbled once during the "Luke Luck likes lakes" part and I read the "Cheese Trees/Sneezy Fleas" bit three times! But my cover was blown when we had a big group hug and I had to keep wiping my eyes. Shelby asked, "What are you doing?" and I said, "I'm trying not to cry because I'm going to miss you so much!" They are the sweetest, kindest, most creative girls I've ever had the privilege to care for. And that is saying a lot.

old shoes new shoes

Sometimes I'm too sentimental for my own good.

I've been in need of new shoes for a while now. So recently I found a good deal on a great pair of shoes online. They are sturdy and cute and designed with eco-friendly materials. Plus, I got them for 50% off.

But now that they're here I'm having a hard time getting rid of my old shoes. They're old and worn out. The heels are so worn down that my back aches if I wear them for too long. The inner soles are pulling away from the foot bed. They're scuffed and gouged. It's time to let them go.
The new shoes really aren't all that different from the old ones. And they're much better quality. The old shoes were $16 at Target. The new shoes were originally $90 from Hush Puppies. (Remember I got them on clearance.)

But the old shoes have taken me everywhere. I got them for my first trip out of the country when I went to visit Kirstin in Scotland. I wore them the first time I walked down Dublin's streets. All last year, walking through England they took me where I needed to go. So saying good-bye has proven an emotional event. I'm hoping that this memorial will ease their passing, at least a little bit.

And so, farewell shoes.

this year has been about a transit van

not big and flashy, but it gets the job done. -Pete Greig, founder of 24-7

Today was our last Training Block. Tomorrow is our open house celebration. The guys from Egham are here, we've spent the evening laughing about Chuck Norris-isms and memories of the last 10 months. The walls of my room are starkly naked. I've filled one suitcase and most of another. The final good-byes have begun. I'm sad about leaving, but looking forward to what the Lord has in store for the next season of my life. It's all a bit shaky and emotions are close to the surface. But it's going to be good in the end.

thoughts on getting ready to leave

It's funny, when you start to say good-bye to a place the most mundane tasks become rituals.

last day of school

So today was the last day of school. (We've been volunteering in school's as part of Transit.) I'm very relieved about that as school's work has probably been my least favorite thing about Transit. (The reason for this is a slightly long and rather complicated story which I just don't feel like reliving right now.) But I did work with some hilarious kids and lovely adults. The Teaching Assistant staff, who I did most (pretty much all) of my work with gave me a parting gift:



And this is very happy because I LOVE Burt's Bees!!!!!! And I haven't been able to find it any where in Guildford. And now I have a whole lovely little kit that's full of happy little sized pots and bottles of lovely smelling natural lotions and soaps and lip balms. It has put a smile on my face all day long. (It really doesn't take much to make me happy.) I could ramble on about how I kept pulling it out of my bag all day to admire it or smell it, but then I'd just be embarrassing myself so I'm gonna stop now. But, YEAH! : )

it is the American way

Last weekend I went home for my "little" brother's graduation. It was a bit of a grueling trip, I left just two days after returning from the Czech Republic and was only there from Friday until Monday evening. But it was well worth the effort. Seeing my family, friends, the girls I used to nanny, and my beloved Charlotte was SO great! My dad's dad joined us from Iowa, I got to talk to my grandma on his cell phone too! My mom's dad was in the hospital after emergency surgery earlier in the week, but was with us in spirit. He also sent Daniel and I hand-crafted throwing knives, the first he's ever made. (The explanation behind this is worth a post all it's own, remind me if I forget!Me and my Grandpa Andy! Don't mess with me.

Don't be fooled by the look of boredom... he's vicious! Graduation!
Just a little target practise.

We kicked off the graduation party on Sunday evening with an (illegal) backyard fireworks show.

On Monday I had breakfast with my friend, Beth. We went to my favorite little place, Le Peep (they have magical maple syrup), where I had the Lumber Jack breakfast and managed to eat the entire thing. It was beautiful!

Then I spent the afternoon playing with the little girls I used to nanny, Shelby and Sydney. Their mom didn't tell them I was coming, first because she didn't want them to be disappointed in case it didn't work out, and then because she wanted to surprise them. I didn't even ring the doorbell. They saw me through the window and came running out. The youngest, Sydney, threw herself into my arms and didn't even look up for a good two minutes saying things like, "I missed you SO much." "I thought I was never going to see you again." (She just turned five years old) It was wonderful and horrible all at the same time. We had a wonderful afternoon playing together, it felt as if I'd never been gone.

Then, the end came. I had some Chick-fil-a with my family and left on a jet plane. It's so strange, not feeling like only one place is home. I'm struggling to view that as a blessing. It's really a challenge for a girl who grew up only wanting to have a home and a family in a small town in Midwestern America. My life already looks so different from that dream, and that's something I'm actually really thankful for. But at the same time there's a bit of grieving that goes along with each new revelation of what the new dream really means.

and i won't be warm, till i'm lying in your arms

I always cry when I have to leave Ireland. Last time it was in the airport in Shannon, listening to The Immigrant's Farewell on my ipod. This time I spent the whole flight back to London trying to read and fighting tears. And then the whole train ride from London to Guildford fighting back tears and having this chorus playing in my head;

No amount of coffee, no amount of cryin'
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine,
No, no, no, no, no
Nothing else will do, I've gotta have you
I've gotta have you.

Ironically enough it's from a song by The Weepies. So, anyway, I had a wonderful time. I met so many wonderful people and had lots and lots of wonderful conversations. I felt like I fit, as though I belonged, I could slip in and nobody would notice that I hadn't been there all along. What a nice feeling!


















This is a "Peace Line" in West Belfast, it separated the Catholic Falls neighborhood from the Protestant Shankill. It stretches for miles out of the city centre at various heights and made of various materials, always topped with nasty looking barbed wire. I spent a good amount of my time in these neighborhoods, praying, walking, and taking it all in.











This is a statue on the grounds of Stormont, Northern Ireland's House of Parliament. It is called Reconciliation. Rather ironic because the other statue on the grounds is of William Carson, a very divisive and sectarian Protestant leader from the 1920s. Thursday was the 10th anniversary of The Good Friday Agreement and I spent the afternoon wondering the grounds of Stormont, praying, dodging rain showers and hail storms, and taking photos.
















Here are Heidi (the lovely Canadian YWAMer I stayed with), John (the friend of a friend who went over and above organizing a place for me to stay, meals, and a "wee" trip to the North Coast), and Rebecca (another friend of a friend with whom I shared some great conversations and a few games of backgammon) on a bridge just outside of the most beautiful hostel in the world.

We went out of the city Friday night and Saturday to Castlerock, Coleraine, and Port Stewart. The sun was shining and the sea was beautiful. We climbed on rocks, soaked in the sun, sat in cafes, had too much dinner, and a couple of lovely train rides. It was beautiful.















As I rode the bus back to the airport Monday morning I realized that a lot of things on my "Do and See List" were left undone and unseen. Most of my time was spent meeting people and hanging out. This is most definitely not a bad thing. This is, in fact, a very good thing. A big thank you to all my lovely new friends for making my week in Belfast so memorable and so hard to leave behind.

two weeks left

Today marks two weeks until I leave. Saying good-bye to Charlotte is proving more difficult than I expected. Yesterday I was at the pottery studio cleaning my tools for the last time and fighting back tears.

So many dear places and moments have made up the last nine years. So much change has taken place in me that this place of change has grown to be a part of me. The person I was when we came here and the person I am as I leave are entirely different.

The state motto of North Carolina is "esse qualm videri" (or something like that) "to be rather than to appear." That is what has happened to me here. I have ceased appearing to be and have become. And while part of the becoming means moving forward, it is never easy to say good-bye.