eureka!

Have you ever had a moment when you suddenly realize that two things you hold dear, two seemingly opposing thoughts or dreams, come together and actually compliment each other? I had a moment like that recently and it was pretty earth shaking. How did it ever take me so long to see this? Surely the hints have been there for ages.

For me these two passions were worship and justice or compassion for the poor. I felt the call towards both, yet saw them as completely separate things.

Then, I was reading "Beyond Cheap Grace" by Eldin Villafane. In the third essay of the book, titled "Amos, Intrepid Leader for Justice: Three Indispensable Qualities of a Minister of the Word of God" he says this:

"Throughout Scripture we can find important truths about worship that relate authentic worship to our behavior toward the poor and oppressed."

"There is a seamless relationship between ethical behavior and true worship, between justice and piety. Who we are and how we behave are intimately related in our giving worth to our God."

Of course! I think I knew this, but never actually realized it and so continued on with a separated mindset about my calling and my passions. How liberating and validating and exciting to realize (finally) that these two things I hold dear go hand in hand!

I was equally moved, in a slightly different way, by Heidi Baker's book "Compelled by Love." This is a collection of stories and thoughts anchored on the Beatitudes. I was consistently challenged by Heidi's words. I find that often when reading or thinking about things like serving out of love I find myself looking into the distant future when I will be in ministry and all I do will flow effortlessly out of my love for God and those around me. And the whole world will be faintly tinted pink and we will dance in fields of flowers forever.

But this time I was really challenged practically by her words about my life, now. Where I am at this moment. I am very sad to say that I am altogether not very good at showing love to those around me. Especially when I find myself confronted by needy people (friends and family members no less!) when I am tired from work and selfishly want to be left alone to read or watch tv.

The question I'm asking myself (not for the first time either!) is how exactly do I think I'm going to get to dance in those pink-tinted fields of flowers, loving everyone around me effortlessly (!) if I don't learn to love where I am, even when (especially when) it's hard?

Oh, the other thing I was challenged on by Heidi is trusting God. Trusting that, as he promised, he will provide for me and that there is always enough in his kingdom. As Heidi said:

"All that Jesus died for is waiting for you to take. We are called to live in the fullness of what each precious drop of blood purchased. Start feasting now."

So, that's a look into what I'm working through. What my inner life is looking like these days.

procrastination or laziness, i'm not sure which (or why I didn't miss having a TV on Transit)

I'm house sitting this week for the family I used to nanny for. They are in Italy. I'm writing in the kitchen where the freezer is melting loads and loads of ice into water onto the floor and my purse is strewn out on the counter and the leftovers from the closet I organized yesterday are in piles covering the table. Don't worry, I'm letting the freezer melt on purpose because it was turning into one giant block of ice. And I got all the food out and into the fridge. And there are towels on the floor.

I'm here for a total of 10 days and I came with great intentions of getting all this stuff done. Books read. Thoughts journaled. Emails answered. Checkbook balanced. Instead I've watched hours and hours of Grey's Anatomy. I have read a couple books but not the important ones, just the fun ones. Now, I don't think I'm being too hard on myself here. I said it was fine to take the weekend off and just relax and have fun. But now I need to get down to business. But breaking out of this has proved to be a fight that I'm loosing. Oh grapes!

But today will be different. I'm leaving soon to get my hair cut and run a few errands. This evening I'm going to a group interview at my favorite store and then dinner with my sisters. In between I'm planning to be efficient and industrious. Fingers crossed!

And don't worry, on that to-do list is posting about the last weeks of Transit and will include pictures.

a ladies quiet day and some long due feedback

Today Adri, a new friend from Kansas City Marisa, and I went with a lady from the Boiler Room, Steph Heald, to a Ladies Quiet Day in north London. Steph was the speaker for the day and we went along to set up a prayer room and to help run some prayer activities. The day, according to my understanding, was run by two sister churches. One Anglican, and the other Catholic. (I think.) We had a wonderful time, and it seemed like the ladies who came did too.

I grew up in churches that wouldn't really be considered traditional. First in Assemblies of God and then interdenominational churches that would probably be labeled Charismatic. I'm not really familiar with liturgy or standing in line to receive communion or anything associated with "high church." Not being familiar with these things, naturally, I've always found them very intriguing. (This is something else I've remembered over the last few weeks.)

We closed the day with a Eucharist service. It was beautiful. There I was, standing in a row with my hands clasped plaintively to receive the bread. I found tears filling my eyes hearing the words, "Jesus' body given for you." Just listen to this:

"Take and eat, for the peace of all nations. Take and drink, for the love of all people. For you have shown us the path that leads to life. And this feast will fill us with joy."

"Almighty God, we thank you for feeding us with the body and blood of your Son Jesus Christ. Through Him we offer you our souls and bodies to be a living sacrifice. Send us out in the power of your Spirit to live and work to your praise and glory. Amen."

"The feast is ended: depart in peace. The work of the world lies before us. Accomplish justice, with grace. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all, evermore. Amen.

(The bold parts were what we all said together.)

It was absolutely beautiful. I really feel like we have so much to learn from those we so easily pass off as being no longer relevant or valid. These are the people who are carrying on the tradition of centuries of praise to God. We're so quick to see where things have gone wrong. Somehow, there must be a way to balance out the warnings of history with its examples.

I was thinking a lot about this at the 24-7 Euro Gathering. These are a few scriptures that came to mind:

"Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you." -Ephesians 6:2&3

"GOD's Message yet again: 'Go stand at the crossroads and look around. Ask for directions to the old road, the tried-and-true road. Then take it. Discover the right route for your souls.'" -Jeremiah 6:16

"No one after drinking old wine desires new, for he says, 'The old is good.'" - Luke 5:39

Something that has become very important to me is the idea that, as a new generation, as members of what would be called "fresh expressions of church," we cannot forget to honor the fathers. To honor those who have gone before us, paving the way for us to walk in. The only reason we are able to go as far and as high as we are is that we have the trails they blazed to walk on, their shoulders to stand on. We must remember this.

One of the sessions at the Gathering was on Ezekial 37 and the valley of dry bones that became an army. Something that was said really stuck with me: "We have to remember that when we see something dead, it means that there was life there at one time." I'm beginning to feel like a big part of my calling may be looking for the life that still remains in places others have passed off as being dead. Like Miracle Max in The Princess Bride, "Mostly dead is slightly alive." God can use slightly alive. After all, he is the Great Miracle Worker, the Breath of Life.

The picture at the top is of a church in Glendalough in the Wicklow Mountains of Ireland. It's a stone church that dates from the 12th century, although there were other wooden churches on the site centuries before that. I have never felt God's presence any stronger than I did the afternoon I spent praying in that roof-less, almost wall-less church.

I know I've gone on quite a while here. I usually try to avoid writing really long posts. But I hope you don't mind if I leave off by quoting a bit more of the liturgy from this afternoon.

Flame - dancing Spirit, come
Sweep us off our feet and
Dance us through our days.
Surprise us with your rhythms;
Dare us to try new steps, explore
New patterns and new partnerships;
Release us from old routines
To swing in abandoned joy and
Fearful adventure. And
In the intervals,
Rest us
In your still centre.
Amen.

keep it simple

"Man was created to love God and enjoy Him forever."

Just a little reminder...

priority number one

This was today's text reading:

The Lord has granted me the petition that I made to him. 1 Samuel 1:27

Paul wrote: We know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Romans 5:3,4

Father, God, only you know your plan for us. In our prayers, we confess our weakness and fear when faced with the unknown. We pray we may learn from every circumstance you bring us, and to be faithful to your will for us. Amen.

Last night I was reading the chapter about simplicity in Celebration of Discipline and Richard Foster was talking about putting God's kingdom first. I think this is something key for me right now.

"Focus on the kingdom produces the inward reality... Nothing else can be central. The desire to get out of the rat race cannot be central, the redistribution of the world's wealth cannot be central, the concern for ecology cannot be central. Seeking
first God's kingdom and the righteousness, both personal and social, of that kingdom is the only thing that can be central in the Spiritual Discipline of simplicity. The person who does not seek the kingdom first does not seek it at all."

I have to remember why I am here, what my purpose is. And Ireland isn't it, 24-7 isn't it, it's Jesus.