Saturday, March 29, 2008

why is this so difficult?

Today I was walking down high street. I was on my way home after a lovely birthday brunch with the girls. I decided to pop into Gap on the off chance they might have a red t-shirt Emily got in London that I really liked. Since I wasn't really expecting them to have it, I stopped at H&M on my way. There was a really pretty purple t-shirt that I decided to try on and then decided to buy it.

I thought I would skip Gap, but I was too curious, so I went in there too. They didn't have the t-shirt but they did have this really pretty light-weight sweater in the same color, on sale. So I looked at it longingly for a minute but left. Then went back in to try it on. It was beautiful. I thought, "I'll just take the other one back cause I can't have both." Then I heard, "Why not? Why can't I be extravagant?" I ended up not only buying the sweater but also a blue cami that I had seen in London and was now on sale.

I've been wrestling with whether or not I should take something back. The thing is I don't need three new tops. I don't even need one new top. I can't really afford one either. At least that's what wisdom would say. But I'm caught by the possibility that the Lord is the one who asked why he can't be extravagant with me. It might've just been me, my own desires whispering to me in a moment of weakness.

I've been re-reading Captivating recently and I just read this the other day: "This is how we trust him. We accept what he has to say. We let it be true." And so, I have decided to keep all three new tops. It's a rather reckless decision. Not much wisdom in it at all. But even if I'm hearing wrong, I'm making the decision to trust. If that was my own thoughts and not the Lord's I'm trusting that he will take care of me, provide for me, anyway. And if it was him, then I'm full of thanks that he cares enough to want to give me something so silly and completely unnecessary.


Lauren & Mick said...

Oh, I love that Rebekah! I often get so caught up in the whole I can think of myself when there are others in need, or I'd rather get something for the kids than me...and the thought prosses of why I don't deserve it goes on & on! I hope you enjoy your new tops :) I'll catch you next Thursday!
Lauren xx

Rebekah said...

had a great time with you guys yesterday! looking forward to Thursday! :)